08/02/2005
Will you marry me?
How could I tell him that I didn’t want to marry him? Anyone would think I was nut. He was all prince charming. Six years ago silly me might be on my knees hoping, asking, even begging him to come back home for me (actually, he did but I was the some hundredth person he wanted to see upon his arrival). Five years ago I might still hoping that he would be sorry and back to my embrace. As a matter of fact, he did tell me he was sorry. But it was just years too late.
A real prince had found me instead. That’s the reason why. Everybody had known this. So, why did they, even my father and his father, insist that we should marry to each other? Then nor today, even little I believe that he had such deep true feeling for me. All this time, it was his parents who had been so fond of me. Since marrying the parents seemed impossible, his approval to marry me became the best solution of such fondness.
However, he did ask me to marry him. What should I do? He still thinks I am the same desperate person who longed for his heart. What words should I choose to tell him that he’s not even half a man compared to my prince, an average yet so loving man? Off the record, evil in me desired : make him to feel rejected and hurt as much as I did. But nop, revenge would cost too much. Whatever the motive, I must tell him now, before the wedding comes tomorrow morning.
Before meeting him, I told my father, he understood and asked if he should come to his family to cancel the wedding. Thanks, but no. I had to unfold this myself. There he sit before me. Minutes has flown but there is nothing I say. I am speechless. Instead of telling the truth, I catch in some nice, full of laughs conversation with him. My heart is clocking so loud. Remember, it is the time. Go, tell him. Tear him apart. Screw him. Kill him. This is the perfect time, girl. Just go ! Now !!!
Before I open up my mouth, something kicked my right foot. I look down to see what it is. Then a mild voice is heard. Haaaaai… A pair of wide sparkling eyes come into my vision. O la la, it is my little girl doing her best to wake me up. Gosh…it was only a dream, I exhale a long breathe. Of course, it was only a dream ! Stupid me ! I smile to the baby and said : Hai, too, little angel.
When I completely wake up, almost all parts of the dreams have drifted away except that scene. Next time I have such a dream, I will tell God, please, don’t censor the best part. Just gimme a chance to knock him out, to smack him down !!! Just, please…..
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