Seize the day

This week was a long one. Not to mention what happened to my team mates in Accounting, Finance, and Econ class. I was just lucky to miss the interviews and job-searching crowds. I was staying at the school last Tuesday-Wednesday until 2 am to finish our Target case. It was not too hard but I think I made mistake by building our own model rather than follow what's available. I thought it would be easy to develop the model ourselves. It was, until we got to the hardest part : balancing and valuation models. Hours and hours were wasted on those. Steve was awesome and sharp; he helped me a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if I didn't loosen myself in the last 5 years, wouldn't I ever get close to what he accomplished? At least I admire his spirit to learn and be persistent as well as detail & perfect in every step. I missed that kind of person inside me. I was like him a bit quite a while ago. I just lost her due to easy compromized life. I don't know if I still able to regain it. Let's just see.

The exams in general were fair. Not that I could knock them all. If you consider that 70%-75% score (except for F520) is good enough, then I'm probably off the hook. You see..., I just put myself in an easy situation with such low standard and expectation... I might not too concern about the grades in the paper. What I care so much is that will I be able to internalize and grow the knowledge (if you say so) for the future usage. People might say that I'm not that fun with this program but again..... the sunk cost keep haunting me. I wouldn't be here if it's for nothing.

Well, congratulate me for passing this 7-weeks alive. Still have another week of work, though: merger & acquisition case.

I'm gonna make it quick in random order. In the news: Ika has news about her upcoming new family member in early fall this year. My team presentation on ECB has been delayed until this Tuesday. Kaylia's I-20 is still in process. My company refused to reimburse my New York academy trip (as well as the Washington campus program). Monroe Library is one of my favorite place in Bloomington. I still drive badly :( maybe because I don't have any great motivation at all. I still fail to come to the gym and exercise. My Accounting final project is huge and would take a lot of time. I'm 3 chapters behind in another Accounting class. Econ final will happen in less than 72 hours and I still have readings inventory. F520 final is approaching, too.

Well, I'd be better stop now. Seems to me I deliver no add value at all in this blog.

I've been missing Miss K like crazy. I think she doesn't miss me that much; which is good for her. I'm considering to invite her living with me for the rest of 9 months in Bloomington. I can't just take her here without knowing how she's going to feel about living in a new place with completely new situation and arrangement. She's a complete person with brain and heart and I'm afraid that she will be dissapointed just like most people are feeling when they have to start living the Bloomington way. I am okay with the town (it's actually close to what I imagined) since I decided it myself. But what about her when most part of decision will not be on her?

I keep asking myself why I would take her here. Well, frankly speaking, it's me who needs her to support me and as a mother I need to know everything about my little girl. I'm kind a person who doesn't like to be surprised. And I experienced a lot of surprising moment, both good and bad, about her since I left. Second, I don't wanna lose anymore time with her. As I always keep in mind, she will grow up very fast before finally be able to make up her own decision and be more independent of me. I wanna enjoy every minute left.

But then the questions keep going. What can I offer her? What kind of life I can give her? Certainly, it will not be an easy one for both of us. Financially, I am just at par with my income. With regard to time management, I assume that I'll be so much smarter next semester that I'll be able to take care the business (classes, reading materials, assignments, group meetings) during daylight before I pick her up from the childcare at 5.30 pm. I pray that this assumption would be valid. In health issue, I will make sure that she would get the immunization complete; I'll manage the health insurance as well as healthy meals (it'll be challenging.....:)).

I will plan it carefully but I just let the final decision rest on Him. If I can bring her here, I hope Miss K and I will have fun gazing the stars in some midsummer nights, going to the theater, swimming, going to the zoo or museum or library, watching some games at the stadium, cooking together, dining out, or just walking inside my campus and having some friendly chats. I really hope that our decision to invite her to come here is the right thing to do. I hope she'll be happy here even if she finds out that things are not as great as she thought. I hope she will feel well-fulfilled just being with me. I know I am when I'm with her.

I've tried. And I did, most of the times. However, the heartbreaks sometimes just happen. I've probably passed the stage of questioning the whats, whens, and whys. I can not wasting my time while abandoning my responsibility to my family. I just happen to not knowing how else I should manage things. If all the processes should end up with clear and firm results then I failed right away. Was that because I wasn't effective, or had not tried hard enough, or merely because it is already my limit  (then I can't expect more of myself)?

I am not saying that I think it's all craps. And I wanna believe it everytime I say that it'll all be paid. And I still wanna believe that this is just a moment when I can learn more about myself.