Seize the day

This week was a long one. Not to mention what happened to my team mates in Accounting, Finance, and Econ class. I was just lucky to miss the interviews and job-searching crowds. I was staying at the school last Tuesday-Wednesday until 2 am to finish our Target case. It was not too hard but I think I made mistake by building our own model rather than follow what's available. I thought it would be easy to develop the model ourselves. It was, until we got to the hardest part : balancing and valuation models. Hours and hours were wasted on those. Steve was awesome and sharp; he helped me a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if I didn't loosen myself in the last 5 years, wouldn't I ever get close to what he accomplished? At least I admire his spirit to learn and be persistent as well as detail & perfect in every step. I missed that kind of person inside me. I was like him a bit quite a while ago. I just lost her due to easy compromized life. I don't know if I still able to regain it. Let's just see.

The exams in general were fair. Not that I could knock them all. If you consider that 70%-75% score (except for F520) is good enough, then I'm probably off the hook. You see..., I just put myself in an easy situation with such low standard and expectation... I might not too concern about the grades in the paper. What I care so much is that will I be able to internalize and grow the knowledge (if you say so) for the future usage. People might say that I'm not that fun with this program but again..... the sunk cost keep haunting me. I wouldn't be here if it's for nothing.

Well, congratulate me for passing this 7-weeks alive. Still have another week of work, though: merger & acquisition case.

I've been missing Miss K like crazy. I think she doesn't miss me that much; which is good for her. I'm considering to invite her living with me for the rest of 9 months in Bloomington. I can't just take her here without knowing how she's going to feel about living in a new place with completely new situation and arrangement. She's a complete person with brain and heart and I'm afraid that she will be dissapointed just like most people are feeling when they have to start living the Bloomington way. I am okay with the town (it's actually close to what I imagined) since I decided it myself. But what about her when most part of decision will not be on her?

I keep asking myself why I would take her here. Well, frankly speaking, it's me who needs her to support me and as a mother I need to know everything about my little girl. I'm kind a person who doesn't like to be surprised. And I experienced a lot of surprising moment, both good and bad, about her since I left. Second, I don't wanna lose anymore time with her. As I always keep in mind, she will grow up very fast before finally be able to make up her own decision and be more independent of me. I wanna enjoy every minute left.

But then the questions keep going. What can I offer her? What kind of life I can give her? Certainly, it will not be an easy one for both of us. Financially, I am just at par with my income. With regard to time management, I assume that I'll be so much smarter next semester that I'll be able to take care the business (classes, reading materials, assignments, group meetings) during daylight before I pick her up from the childcare at 5.30 pm. I pray that this assumption would be valid. In health issue, I will make sure that she would get the immunization complete; I'll manage the health insurance as well as healthy meals (it'll be challenging.....:)).

I will plan it carefully but I just let the final decision rest on Him. If I can bring her here, I hope Miss K and I will have fun gazing the stars in some midsummer nights, going to the theater, swimming, going to the zoo or museum or library, watching some games at the stadium, cooking together, dining out, or just walking inside my campus and having some friendly chats. I really hope that our decision to invite her to come here is the right thing to do. I hope she'll be happy here even if she finds out that things are not as great as she thought. I hope she will feel well-fulfilled just being with me. I know I am when I'm with her.

I've tried. And I did, most of the times. However, the heartbreaks sometimes just happen. I've probably passed the stage of questioning the whats, whens, and whys. I can not wasting my time while abandoning my responsibility to my family. I just happen to not knowing how else I should manage things. If all the processes should end up with clear and firm results then I failed right away. Was that because I wasn't effective, or had not tried hard enough, or merely because it is already my limit  (then I can't expect more of myself)?

I am not saying that I think it's all craps. And I wanna believe it everytime I say that it'll all be paid. And I still wanna believe that this is just a moment when I can learn more about myself. 

They’ll be all done in 7 weeks. As patented in my character to always weight the good and down sides, 7 weeks is maybe the best. Before 7 weeks, I'll get too overwhelmed. After 7 weeks, I'll get bored. In 7 weeks, I'll be perfectly ready to ..... say goodbye.

I couldn't believe that the case competition is finally over. I knew that I didn't make a perfect job there; I am very sorry for my team that I probably have blown up the team performance. I just couldn't open my mouth during the practise session and suddenly gave up the role. It was the worst time in my life when I couldn't do something important for something's bigger than my own interest.

Maybe I took it too seriously, as always. It is obvious. A lot of things in me need improvement and change. I don't wanna be perfect; I just wanna be better each day (which was not what happened these days). I enjoyed being here but at the same time I felt that I missed so many other things. I don't know how to make it even at the end. I miss Miss K very much; too much that I couldn't even think about it anymore.

Two Ks in my life now: Kaylia and Kelley. I wanted them in my life before I finally live with them. I am gonna see how they can perfectly match to each other next semester.

It's my first football game, and we lost from Illini 14 to 27 in the Big Ten game today. Two names I know now : Tracy Porter and James Hardy. Don't ask me if I understood the game : I didn't. But I enjoyed it (except the fact that we lost). The drumbands were awesome. I was hoping that sometime during breaks I would see Tyler Zeller; well, I didn't. Maybe the announcement was before I got into the stadium or after I left during the 3rd quarter.   

When you have limited life outside your MBA, then you'll probably start to love your cohort more. I love my RED. I love the spirit, intellectuality, courage, and warmness of wonderful people I am with.

It's been 5 years since the first time we met. Ika and I now are engaged for two years and probably long after that. We will be partners, friends, sisters, and big cheerleaders for each other. I am sure that God's sent her to me, among many choices and combination in this world. Welcome, sis... !!!   

I knew I made the right decision to sign in this. The classes are fun (I know it’s only the warming up sessions). The Finance class was led by Prof. Smart from Texas. He explained Time Value of Money principles that now control the world. We calculated the value of a Titanic victim in 1912 in present value. I wasn’t the only person in class who amazed by the fact that the purchase of Manhattan Island in 1626 of $24 is now viewed as a great robbery (as it’s worth $284 billion today). I swear that I HAVE to read the materials before his class for the whole semester if I want to survive there.

The same case happens also in Accounting class of Prof. Pratt. He IS the Coach. I am grateful that the first session covered things I learned this summer (I didn’t wanna be left too far behind). Everybody speaks in his class. He points out, yells, asks, answers, summarizes, and explains pretty fast and clear. There’s no other way to enjoy his class than being well prepared. The Excel 2007 class is the most enjoyable. Not that I am expert in this area but the atmosphere is less nail-biting. Prof. Albright explains things in detail and Sarah helps us a lot.

Excel 2007 is powerful; there’s no doubt. I will post the tutorial file as the attachment for you to get experience with it. I met some of my classmates: Katie, Kisha, Karen, Beverly, Anthony, Shib, Deepesh, Swetha, Donna, etc. Many of us take the same bus early in the morning. The C Route passes College Mall at 7.14 a.m. and the next is 40 minutes later. Be there or be late, that’s the rule.  

I will be in Cohort Red, Team 1 with Jason, Jami, Balanji, and Bill. I haven’t met any of them yet. I just emailed them, hoping that sometime before the Core we can meet and talk a bit. Ika will go with her Green Cohort with Swetha and Beverly. We're in morning classes, though.

I felt like it had been yesterday when the time to leave Boulder came last Saturday. I didn’t know what to expect when I first arrived there. Boulder kept surprising me while I was there: great scenery, great classes, great teachers, great outings, great walks down the streets, great music, great friends, great shows and movies, great shopping, and great cooking. The beautiful small city has offered so much more than I ever thought of. I couldn’t sleep at that last night. I watched Before Sunset for the hundredth times.  My heart was pumping and jumping every time I looked at my watch. It was all too fast, I was not ready. I thought that I never would.
 

All my bags were packed and by 4 am that Saturday, Ika and I walked out our apartment to move on with our choices. I couldn’t hold my tears from falling, mostly because I didn’t know what kind of world I would come to. Nevertheless, at the same time I felt exciting: this is it. There wouldn’t be another perfect time to do it, I said to myself.

I remember what Vincent “the Beast” said when he encouraged people to change: “there’s always time for you to come out from your safe circle and walk among your enemies”. Maybe that’s how people should conquer their lives: by being brave.

Well, I wasn’t. I was so scared that I couldn’t speak much to say goodbye to all my friends (even in the emails).  When finally we sat in the Frontier Flight #616 then flew across states, we just closed our eyes, trying to wrap up all wonderful things we had in our heads and make them the dreams for tomorrow.