Seize the day

This week was a long one. Not to mention what happened to my team mates in Accounting, Finance, and Econ class. I was just lucky to miss the interviews and job-searching crowds. I was staying at the school last Tuesday-Wednesday until 2 am to finish our Target case. It was not too hard but I think I made mistake by building our own model rather than follow what's available. I thought it would be easy to develop the model ourselves. It was, until we got to the hardest part : balancing and valuation models. Hours and hours were wasted on those. Steve was awesome and sharp; he helped me a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if I didn't loosen myself in the last 5 years, wouldn't I ever get close to what he accomplished? At least I admire his spirit to learn and be persistent as well as detail & perfect in every step. I missed that kind of person inside me. I was like him a bit quite a while ago. I just lost her due to easy compromized life. I don't know if I still able to regain it. Let's just see.

The exams in general were fair. Not that I could knock them all. If you consider that 70%-75% score (except for F520) is good enough, then I'm probably off the hook. You see..., I just put myself in an easy situation with such low standard and expectation... I might not too concern about the grades in the paper. What I care so much is that will I be able to internalize and grow the knowledge (if you say so) for the future usage. People might say that I'm not that fun with this program but again..... the sunk cost keep haunting me. I wouldn't be here if it's for nothing.

Well, congratulate me for passing this 7-weeks alive. Still have another week of work, though: merger & acquisition case.

I've tried. And I did, most of the times. However, the heartbreaks sometimes just happen. I've probably passed the stage of questioning the whats, whens, and whys. I can not wasting my time while abandoning my responsibility to my family. I just happen to not knowing how else I should manage things. If all the processes should end up with clear and firm results then I failed right away. Was that because I wasn't effective, or had not tried hard enough, or merely because it is already my limit  (then I can't expect more of myself)?

I am not saying that I think it's all craps. And I wanna believe it everytime I say that it'll all be paid. And I still wanna believe that this is just a moment when I can learn more about myself. 

They’ll be all done in 7 weeks. As patented in my character to always weight the good and down sides, 7 weeks is maybe the best. Before 7 weeks, I'll get too overwhelmed. After 7 weeks, I'll get bored. In 7 weeks, I'll be perfectly ready to ..... say goodbye.

I couldn't believe that the case competition is finally over. I knew that I didn't make a perfect job there; I am very sorry for my team that I probably have blown up the team performance. I just couldn't open my mouth during the practise session and suddenly gave up the role. It was the worst time in my life when I couldn't do something important for something's bigger than my own interest.

Maybe I took it too seriously, as always. It is obvious. A lot of things in me need improvement and change. I don't wanna be perfect; I just wanna be better each day (which was not what happened these days). I enjoyed being here but at the same time I felt that I missed so many other things. I don't know how to make it even at the end. I miss Miss K very much; too much that I couldn't even think about it anymore.

Two Ks in my life now: Kaylia and Kelley. I wanted them in my life before I finally live with them. I am gonna see how they can perfectly match to each other next semester.

When you have limited life outside your MBA, then you'll probably start to love your cohort more. I love my RED. I love the spirit, intellectuality, courage, and warmness of wonderful people I am with.

I knew I made the right decision to sign in this. The classes are fun (I know it’s only the warming up sessions). The Finance class was led by Prof. Smart from Texas. He explained Time Value of Money principles that now control the world. We calculated the value of a Titanic victim in 1912 in present value. I wasn’t the only person in class who amazed by the fact that the purchase of Manhattan Island in 1626 of $24 is now viewed as a great robbery (as it’s worth $284 billion today). I swear that I HAVE to read the materials before his class for the whole semester if I want to survive there.

The same case happens also in Accounting class of Prof. Pratt. He IS the Coach. I am grateful that the first session covered things I learned this summer (I didn’t wanna be left too far behind). Everybody speaks in his class. He points out, yells, asks, answers, summarizes, and explains pretty fast and clear. There’s no other way to enjoy his class than being well prepared. The Excel 2007 class is the most enjoyable. Not that I am expert in this area but the atmosphere is less nail-biting. Prof. Albright explains things in detail and Sarah helps us a lot.

Excel 2007 is powerful; there’s no doubt. I will post the tutorial file as the attachment for you to get experience with it. I met some of my classmates: Katie, Kisha, Karen, Beverly, Anthony, Shib, Deepesh, Swetha, Donna, etc. Many of us take the same bus early in the morning. The C Route passes College Mall at 7.14 a.m. and the next is 40 minutes later. Be there or be late, that’s the rule.  

I will be in Cohort Red, Team 1 with Jason, Jami, Balanji, and Bill. I haven’t met any of them yet. I just emailed them, hoping that sometime before the Core we can meet and talk a bit. Ika will go with her Green Cohort with Swetha and Beverly. We're in morning classes, though.

I felt like it had been yesterday when the time to leave Boulder came last Saturday. I didn’t know what to expect when I first arrived there. Boulder kept surprising me while I was there: great scenery, great classes, great teachers, great outings, great walks down the streets, great music, great friends, great shows and movies, great shopping, and great cooking. The beautiful small city has offered so much more than I ever thought of. I couldn’t sleep at that last night. I watched Before Sunset for the hundredth times.  My heart was pumping and jumping every time I looked at my watch. It was all too fast, I was not ready. I thought that I never would.
 

All my bags were packed and by 4 am that Saturday, Ika and I walked out our apartment to move on with our choices. I couldn’t hold my tears from falling, mostly because I didn’t know what kind of world I would come to. Nevertheless, at the same time I felt exciting: this is it. There wouldn’t be another perfect time to do it, I said to myself.

I remember what Vincent “the Beast” said when he encouraged people to change: “there’s always time for you to come out from your safe circle and walk among your enemies”. Maybe that’s how people should conquer their lives: by being brave.

Well, I wasn’t. I was so scared that I couldn’t speak much to say goodbye to all my friends (even in the emails).  When finally we sat in the Frontier Flight #616 then flew across states, we just closed our eyes, trying to wrap up all wonderful things we had in our heads and make them the dreams for tomorrow.

I never thought that I would cry when the time came. But I did. And I did it non-stop. I know that being together with nice and good people was too great that I never wanted it to change even a bit. But life offers many things that require changes. 

Some friends leave you to change themselves, to give them chance to move forward. Some leave to let you grow up, be stronger, and be able fly with your own wings. Some leave just because they love and care about you that much. Some leave you without words for their own reasons you might never understand even if they say it. Some leave and say they are only one click away. Some never really go. They stay in your heart and always be there for you with their smiles and spirits.  To which group my friends belong? All.

This is the last day of our prep classes. I don't know why but I got a feeling that I would miss all experiences I had at Kemang classes. Even I kinda worry that I will miss Kada once in a while, maybe during the slumps in my future Economics classes at Kelley. Emily is absolutely the best. I enjoyed all her classes. So sorry to know that profs in grad schools wouldn't be that generous and so understanding.

Yesterday we had a big lunch at Tamnak Thai restaurant. There were 4 of us got the promotion as Assistant Managers (Azil, Nera, Timmy, and Soelis). I sat next to Emily and she told me that her 5-year-old English-speaking students in her French class are the best students in the world. They absorb everything without any false. I also got some insights from Kada about meal in US. He said that I need to read the Economics material during summer to ensure that I will not get the same difficulties I have now in my grad school course. Maybe after reading one chapter three to four times, I would get clearer pictures of Micro and Macro. But Kada's classes ran like snow balls. I always two steps behind. It's unlikely to me to understand the material in a certain chapter in less than two days after Kada introduced it.

Here is the pattern. Day 1: Kada started talking about aggregat demand curve; I didn't get it the first time. In the same day, Kada gave homework; I tried to solve them by reading the chapter and I couldn't answer them right away. Day 2: Kada reviewed our homework on aggregat demand, I got the answers wrong and he explained again in his first hour. During the second hour, Kada described something new and gave another part of his "Economics Problems Book" as homework. At night of Day 2 I made myself trying to read the 20-page chapter again, usually guided by the homework issue that I made wrong. But there is the new homework so that I still couldn't catch both. Day 3: I finally got the message about the aggregat demand but Kada would be talking about the new homework and even another new concept in his second hour. It went on and on this way. I am not counting the moments I was away due to immunization, tardiness, and boredom.  

So, Kada was probably right. Even Kelley suggests us to take action on Core Courses before showing our noses there. That's why I really consider Jump Start important to get my brain on the track.  

This week was full of news of any kinds. Bad news, good news. Hopes and tears. Sunny and rainy days.

I just read Mbak Diah's email about Mbak Yuni's latest condition. Mbak Yuni is suffering from breast cancer; she's had chemotherapy for 5 times and there are 5 more. She's in pain. I remember Mbak Yuni as a very nice, warm-hearted lady. She was always there when somebody was in trouble. She always smiled and comforted people around her. I still can feel her gentle touch on my neck and shoulders when I had morning (and all day) sickness while I was pregnant with Kaylia. It's been a year since I heard that she is fighting the desease. I pray for her; may Allah SWT bless her and give the best for her. Think I will visit her tomorrow at the hospital.

Tonight I came to my boss' daughter wedding party. It was a big party and I met almost everyone from my office. I met my ex boss; he asked about McCombs and Eli Broad's admissions. I said that I just had the interview with McCombs' alumni yet I heard nothing about the decision. He replied that Indiana sounds OK (of course, it is OK....).

Other news, Mbak Riskun is likely to accept scholarship offer from Temasec. She will pursue a graduate program in Wealth Management area in Singapore. Good for her, she said. I heard she is happy with this chance. Although she's also expecting good news from Minnesota, she's positive that Singapore will be the best solution for her and her family.

Fina will fly to Germany to fulfill an invitation from a Germany's foundation in which she once involved when she was in college. Fina will take a 3-week course on IT. Cica called me to play in our basket ball game vs BRI. I wanted to but I lacked of energy to do things I wanted. Not only time has restricted me. Think that I'm getting old way too fast.

After the interview at Starbucks with Mr. Yuma Maris (I'll tell about it later), I went to the office and met my fellows. We were to help Atik prepared her interview with Johnson's alumni in Singapore this Saturday afternoon. So much for an interview; but not too much for her dream of going to Ithaca. I believe that she would be fine. No worries about her; with such a brain, she can get anything she wants. Just a matter of priority for her, I guessed.

Ika and I haven't decided about the apartment. There are several left with 3 bedrooms + 2 or 1.5 bathrooms : Woodbridge, Rollingridge, and the Fields. I joined the MBA class of 2009 Yahoo Groups and read that the apartment searching is not as easy as people might think.